my depression is getting bad again to the point where I’m struggling with the idea of killing myself and I really don’t know what to do now.
Maybe it’s some you ought to start indulging in the things you most enjoy in life,
Or spend some time finding something to appreciate about life and about yourself - something to keep you going.
In the meantime, exercise and pampering yourself ought to be a good distraction.
Or spending time with people who actually lift your mood.
It’s a bitch to try and fight against falling into depression, but it’s better than laying about and letting your own mind get the better of you. (Not that I’m implying that you’re doing that)