Despite the fact that it’s 1:00 am and i have to be up at 6, imma go downstairs and attempt to draw something. Or at least have a few quiet hours to myself. That’s if I can even find a pencil first.
Despite the fact that I’m alone half the time i’m at home, for some reason my mind never finds that lovely clarity that comes with a long walk, or hours spent at the library.
Maybe it’s because I’m always on here, or always looking for something to distract me.
My mind pretty much dies the moment I get home from somewhere. I just lose all motivation for everything. Yet people are easily fooled that I’m hardworking and reliable, because when I speak my thoughts to another person, I feel driven. Laying out my thoughts in front of them is a motivator in it’s own right. Though I rarely want to talk about these things, because they’re just a pain to even think about.
Right now there’s four things I really ought be doing.
1) Energising myself. Exercising regularly, getting into a regular sleep/wake patten, making fitness/health/weight loss a priority and not snapping at my family whenever they ask me about what’s going in my life. I can get so lethargic it’s pathetic.
2) Adopting good work/study habits. Right now they’re atrocious. I’m starting my final year of school in a term and a half and I’ve done maybe 3 hours of study for the past term and a half. I know for a fact that’s going to absolutely ruin me next year, considering my Uni of choice has fucking high cut-offs. Not to mention that I need to seriously limit my use of the internet. You know just how distracting it is.
3) Fucking decide. Just. fucking. decide. What subjects I’m going to stick with, what I’m going to do for my major works. Recall/decide on what I actually want to do with my life. Decide how to get there. Actually do the thing I’m horrible at and apply my ideas.
4) Not lose sight of my goals to ace next year and get into my first-choice of uni.
Man, I’ve made myself sound a lot weaker than I really am. Eh, I’m tired. So shoot me.
It’s just that time of year when I lose all my previous summertime energy and just begin the cycle of not caring then despairing over everything. It isn’t quite so bad this year. I was feeling dead and depressed during this time in ‘09 and ‘10 and in ‘11 but on a much shorter period of time. It just depresses me how unproductive I am at times. I’m slow at working, I’m hesitant, and I procrastinate like it’s my job.
I don’t know how something that was meant to be a quick paragraph turned into this,
but just know it’s one of those things that aren’t made to be commented on.