Everytime I see a photo of myself in my family’s “happy snaps” I just…Want...

Everytime I see a photo of myself in my family’s “happy snaps” I just…
Want to die.

As hard as I try, I always look miserable, obese and deformed in them.
The worst part is that the way I look in photos is usually so far from what I was actually feeling at the time.
I don’t feel heavy. I don’t feel like my fucking forehead weights down my face. I don’t feel so fucking droopy. I don’t feel so fucking flabby. But seeing these photos makes me feel all this and worse. I feel like the scum of the earth, like I could give Quasimodo a run for his money in the ugly department.

Usually when a photo takes place I’m actually in a really good mood and feel a million dollars. Then the moment I take a sneak preview…

“Do I honestly look like that?“ 

I don’t expect to look like some sort of runway model, alright? But I don’t expect that huge, miserable blow to the head and that massive drop in self esteem the moment I do something as simply as look at a photo I’m part of.

Despite how amazing the trip to Europe was, flicking through the photo album has ruined my night, and will probably continue to ruin days ahead.

I’m not usually like this. I don’t value looks too much, but fuck that gargoyle in the snapshot isn’t me. I just can’t shake it off. It’s been like this for years. I’ve gotten to the point where I refuse to be involved in group shots unless I’m virtually hiding in them and cannot, for the life of me, have my photo taken. It’s such a joykill for my family.
I feel  guilty, disgusting, worthless and completely at fault.